Monday, March 31, 2003//
finally got hold of the pc. sigh. cold warring with my mom again.really don't know wth is wrong with me.. been doing that a little too often nowadays. yes. and why on earth am i born a gal? wish i had the choice. sigh. somehow my bro just seems to have more freedom than me. do my parents really have to be so 'protective' (just to put in nicer terms) over me just cos i'm a gal? they dun probe at my bro or ask so much when he's going out.. so why are they doing this to me? cos i'm a gal? that's lame. yes. feeling so restricted now. kinda have a feeling whatever i do my mom's like looking.. judging.. disapproving. looks like i'm gonna be stuck at home for the next few days.. she din exactly say.. but somehow.. it's kinda understood. went out today... but it pissed her off. to think i've to stay at home and face her for the next few days.. thank gdness there's piano lesson tmr. but still.. cant really stay out too long before she makes noise again. sigh shant continue
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
7:36 AM
Sunday, March 30, 2003//
hmm.. just changed fone no.. for all those reading.. it's 92710032. dun reallie like that number.. should have been there when my dad was picking it. arh.
yea. kinda feeling stoned now. dunno. maybe i've too much time these days.. so i end up thinking.. abt all sorts of things. maybe it isn't gd to be too free. yes. maybe i should try to occupy myself more. was supposed to be practising for at least 4 hrs today.. but somehow was just xin1 bu4 zai4 yan1 and went off in like 2 hrs..arh. wat happened to discipline? sigh getting to lose control over myself already.. wth. k better get a hold over myself before i get crazy. then went for a run in the afternoon.. but somehow a song ended up ringing in my head.. which reminds me i need to practise. nvm. shan't drone on.shall just end. wateva.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
6:26 AM
Saturday, March 29, 2003//
finally get to go to ecp today =) but thanks to my lousy time estimation.. i reached bedok .5 hour earlier than i was suppposed to. yea. cycled.. (when was the last time i cycled). yea cycling rocks. and was sitting at this bench facing the sea then saw this man sun tanning.. quite funny larh. cos he was lying on his back tanning his front.. then he flipped over.. lol. nvm. then in the afternoon we got nothing better to do and was walking arnd the east.. lol. hmm then when home in the afternoon.. and went on the piano. and music of the night is stuck in my head now.. heh. arh a bit stoned dunno wat to feel.
[nothing is so good it lasts eternally
perfect situations must go wrong
but this has never yet prevented me
wanting far too much for far too long]
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
6:17 AM
Thursday, March 27, 2003//
yea. sch's closed. everyone's having sars now. slp and relaxation syndrome.yes. was slacking the whole day today. yay slacking rox. yes. then at night was on the fone wif gerald. trying to get the klas back again. dunno if it'll work, but at least knowing that yu have tried is somewhat more comforting than not having tried at all. yea. and now 5 of us (me shuyang yuen yq gerald) are in this msn chat thingy. not bad. 1/3 of the klas! hmm. at least it's great to know that people care for the klas. rocks. dunno our chances, but still happy to know we're doing something =)
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
7:19 AM
Wednesday, March 26, 2003//
hmm. guess a lot happened today. was going for flag raising in the morning when my (ex)klasmates were saying that we were supposed to meet vp in a klasroom and all those. some of them were saying it might have something to do with our klas having to split up. well they proved to be accurate prophets. yea was damn sad when he broke the news to us. it's like.. from day one when we were all so stoned and dead and everything.. to the present stage when everyone's finally closer and better and everything. yes. just as things are picking up.. and i'm getting to love my klas.. this has to happen. yea was crying when i got outta the klasroom..walking to the zaecove and was seen by kevin low. arh and he was asking what happened. shit why the bad luck. yes. checking of klas later.. 3 of them went 1a..3 in 1b.. and 9 of us in 14a. k not bad larh.. but still.. that so1c is split is a fact. sigh. arh i miss s01c!!! had lunch at pizza hut wif a fragment of the og. guess we're disintegrating too. sigh. supposed to go home.. but cos it's raining, ended up doing work at northpt. yea but then sher finally msged to say sch's closing. so we just stopped. heh.
[softly, the leaves of memory would fall. slowly, i'll gather and pick them all. 'cos today, tomorrow and till my life is thru', i'll always cherish knowing someone like yu]
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
6:36 AM
Sunday, March 23, 2003//
only 2++ hours left to the end of the march hols. sigh. having a headache now. thanks to the stupid weather. yea piano lesson again in the morning. yesh. and got nice score!! that score i wanted since like 7-8 yrs ago? yea but i only managed to get hold of the score with single-line melody and the chords written on top. cant belive my luck. was at my tchr's place looking at her shelf when she just took the book out and was saying that the song's very nice. heh. yesh. had lunch at far east..lol. looks like we haven't gotten enough of far east yet =) yea then he said he gotta do work so we all went home. then i realised my camera's left with only 4-5 shots and i can develop the film. and so i was taking pics like mad at home.. of my half naked bro.. haha. lazy idiot lying around on the bed. yesh. then i went back to the photo shop at the mrt (again) to get the stuff developed. was hoping to be able to get by tonight but apparently the person said the earliest is tmr 4 pm. arh. but there's odac tmr.. which means reaching home late and i gotta collect on tues. arh. don't trust my bro enough to get those pics for me. lol. yea. slacking the last bit of the hols off =)
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
5:55 AM
Saturday, March 22, 2003//
k. just back from the class bbq and finishing one qn of the math supplementary qns. lol. yea anyway finally get to go for klas bbq after negotiating for so long with my mom. she was like saying that i should stay at home since i just recovered. yea but it rox. think our klas is finally getting together.. tho' we're a bit stoned at the start of the yr. yes. at least i think it's one of the most on engine klasses.. yay. was stoning in front of some math qns in the morning before i went to the piano.yes. and then supposed to meet at 330 at bishan mrt.. but i reached early and so was walking arnd j8. arh looks like there's nothing much to see there nowadays. so many shops closing down. yeap. then yq called to say there were pple at the station. so i finally went back there. and guess what.. saw tianshi and bert there... lol. was laffing my head off.. and think yq managed to catch a pic of them on his digital cam. haha. incriminating evidence eh. yeap. was shopping at ntuc for a while till we finally decided to go to gerald's hse. took quite a while to get the fire up.. thanks to the presence of wind and absence of experienced pple in bbq. but yea it was finally there. and not bad larh.. quite fun bbq-ing those stuff. burn them rather. so for those who ate and have to suffer the agony of tasting charred/raw food.. sorry larh. yeap. din have much bridging today cos i spent most of my time at the pit.. lol. but someday i'm gonna bridge again =) yesh and all the water splashing and stuff. and yea thanks arh song wee for intruding into my personal privacy.. lol. shall get even with yu one of these days. been a nice day on the whole. rocks.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
7:35 AM
Friday, March 21, 2003//
yeap. kinda zonked now. after 8 hrs of math today. arh. sigh was supposed to go to ecp today. but ended up sick. wth. and it's the last day of hols! arh hols coming to an end. wat a nice way to savour the end of the hols. ok wateva, i would have to pia thru my work one fine day anyway. and the thing is my bro's starting sch one week later cos of i-learning. hey i want that too. actually i'm kinda in a state of euphoria now. quite happy i actually can get down to doing my work. yep. and my mom was like 'haven't seen you so happy for ages. and it's the first time since long ago that you're talking'. hmm. ok wonder if i was always so quiet and everything at home. yes.guess that shall be all for now. shall go rest now. =) [euphoria (say yoo-for-ee-a) noun a feeling of general happiness.] needs no reason.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
7:25 AM
Thursday, March 20, 2003//
hmm. just home from the kayaking course. kinda tired now. just hope i get to finish this before i fall asleep in front of the pc. yep it's been a tiring 2 days.. but not bad larh was quite fun. had some mouthfuls of sea water.. and they don't exactly taste very good. yes. arh. was walking home just now and looking up. apparently the sky wasn't nice. compared to yesterday.. the moon was damn nice. big round bright and low. that kind of orangey color. at first when i saw it i wondered what that was. then after a while i figured out. and there were so many stars last night. arh. k damn tired now. shall go slp.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
6:00 AM
Tuesday, March 18, 2003//
yep. i'm back. and i did work today! heh. math holiday revision questions sucks. was doing at the esplanade library today..and half the time i wasn't in the mood to do. lol. so many scores at the library. and i finally found brahms' hungarian dances scores for 4 hands. rocks. yesh. and the songs i've been listening to but cant find the scores are there!.. =)=)=). yes. but when i finally decided to loan that out the librarian says that's under some premium thing and gotta subscribe before i can borrow. and it's 20.8 bucks a yr. forget it i din even have that much in my wallet. so yea. gotta photocopy the scores instead. arh. ok i shall be contented. yay so happy now =)
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
6:17 AM
Monday, March 17, 2003//
[music creates order out of chaos, for rhythm imposes unanimity upon the divergent, melody imposes continuity upon the disjointed and harmony imposes compatibility upon the incongruous.]
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
7:00 AM
Sunday, March 16, 2003//
hmm.. yes just back. it was an interesting train ride out and back. when i was going off to orchard, there's this woman who got on the train and started talking to herself. complaining, rather. then at first i thought she's on the fone.. then after much observation, i realised otherwise. and on my way home, there's this old man along the way.. i was staring blankly ahead, and as he came closer, he asked in hokkien 'where are yu going? have yu eaten?' then i gave him the do-i-know-yu look. then said 'yea'. k guess i was going crazy too. yea. anyway today was like.. piano in the morning, then stoned arnd the house in the afternoon. yesh. and finally decided to go out for dinner. kinda last min decision.. well that's just me. yeap. had dinner at scotts. then we decided to go to esplanade =) and when we reached there we saw fullerton.. frm a different angle. yeap. and the merlion.. puking--just to quote. yeap. haha quite a nice place larh. except for the stupid shower when the wind blows. yea.. and the night sky today was damn nice. pity i din have my camera wif me. full moon. plenty of stars. the orion belt was there. and there's breeze too! what can be better. yesh. pretty silent stargazing/scenery looking. but i enjoyed myself. yesh. and we went raffles city again. and this time it's still open and everything =). heh. yesh. was looking at the sky as i was walking home... beautiful one it is.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
7:16 AM
Saturday, March 15, 2003//
arh. dunno what to feel now. kinda pissed.. puzzled. no idea. what's happening to me? sigh. k. why did i ask that question. i dunno myself. it's like.. nah think i'm getting irrational nowadays. seem to have lost control over myself. just a few days ago i was telling myself i'd try to be normal and not let my feelings affect the way i behave.. but apparently it doesn't turn out that way. been reaching home everyday in the i-just-wanna shut-up mood. then my mom would be somewhere trying to talk to me. yea and i would be there either not replying or giving monosyllabic answers. wth. been telling myself i shall be nice to my mom. and i like snapped at her.. when she din do anything to offend me. what the hell's wrong wif me? sigh. in the afternoon i was feeling kinda blurred. as in dunno wat i'm feeling. then i finally felt better after my 30 laps of swimming. and now i got myself into this kinda shit mood. maybe i should just go to the jungles and live alone there. solitary life probably suits me more.
[What is life? A frenzy. What is life? An Illusion, a shadow, a fiction.
And the greatest good is trivial; for all life is a dream and all dreams are dreams...]
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
6:55 AM
Friday, March 14, 2003//
yeap. just back.. lol. yea it's finally the hols. we've finally survived 10 weeks of sch. was a long day today. why must we end with a long day? anyway, yea feeling quite happy now. so shan't think of school. yea. had pe just now.. and i showed ms tan my 2 wk long mc.. and she went 'what happened?' lol. yea anyway i got off for pe. and oh our klas went for octave together after sch. yeap. ensemble performances.. music... sorta got me thinking again. and then after that we had dinner together at ghim moh macs.. yea why on earth we chose the place i dunno. been going there since sch started or smthng. yeap. but it wasn't very long larh. got off soon after that. yea then me yq engkiat gerald went to peninsular plaza.. haha. zy and yx were there trying to buy ropes.. and guess wat green tea was there too. heh. yea. then i got this sudden urge to go singapre river.. yea. so we all went.. and the rest of us played us out. not surprising eh. yea. but it was nice there larh. fullerton looked very nice. as nice as it was in my memory since last yr i went wif xh. k. yea. and anderson bridge and cavenagh bridge.. the view was like so nice.. took a few pics larh. a pity the sky wasnt cooperative. there wasnt enough stars to look at. then we sat by the river.. and the waves were just so hypnotising.. heh. yea. when it was time we finally decided to leave.. we went to raffles place only to realise raffles city is at city hall. kinda disorientated. anyway the fast food places were closing by then. so we went to starbucks to have chocolate instead. lol. quite late now.. but still managed to reach home by 12. heh. kinda tired now. but well it's a wonderful evening. =)
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
7:57 AM
Wednesday, March 12, 2003//
yay. 2 more days to survive and it'll be the march hols. din go to sch today. feels so gd. played on the piano for 3 hrs in the morning..then went to north pt for lunch. woohoo. rocks. haven't ponned sch since last yr. ok fine this isn't exactly considered as ponning. at least there's some sort of decent excuse. yeap. then had this sudden desire to cut hair. and i did. now my pony tail looks like a rabbit tail. and my fringe so short.. arh. k shan't complain. yes. came back and slept the whole afternoon away. when i was supposed to practise some more and then do work. ok fine. blame it on my lack of discipline. arh was thinking there's so much i wanna do today. looks like i haven't got anything done up to now. nvm. shall try to do something later at night. hmm.. was looking outta the balcony just now. nice sky. but where's the moon? can't seem to find it anywhere. and why do some stars shine brighter than others?
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
3:48 AM
Tuesday, March 11, 2003//
k. din post yesterday.. was feeling kinda down last night.. so decided i shouldn't post just in case this blog becomes some kinda swear site for me. yes. but ok at least i'm feeling alright now. my 350 day today.. had captain's ball during pe. lol. pe's getting slack with all the rain and all those =). yeap. did some work then went to orchard to get a card after that. hmm.. reminds me of those after sch roaming arnd days i used to have in rg. heh. k. just back from the doc. she was nagging cos i went to run arnd despite the 1 wk mc she gave me. so now she me mc frm sch for 1 day and mc frm pe for 2 wks. actually i see no pt for that since it's the march hols next wk. lol. shall take this chance and slack the day away tmr.. =)
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
6:04 AM
Saturday, March 08, 2003//
k. feeling quite lost now. dunno wat to do. just back from piano lesson. dunno why, every single piano lesson i had this yr makes me feel very tangled up after the lesson. it's like, every lesson's like a reminder of my dream, yet thinking of it it seems more and more impossible to achieve. today my tchr was like saying 'don't give up. you've worked so hard and come so far. if yu give up it'd be a waste.' that's precisely wat i've been thinking. 13 yrs of effort and hard work. looking back at the times when i screwed my piano, then picking myself up again. and how i used to hate it and was on the verge of giving up for 2 times. now to look at it i do love the piano. yet there's so little i can do abt it. really regret not being serious abt it since young. yes. now i really want it but i'm stuck btwn academics and piano. at the rate i'm going i'm afraid i cant even go back to g6 level by the end of 2 yrs. sigh. was so happy when i finally got my 8 last yr. but now come to think abt it. getting an 8 last yr doesnt mean i would be at that lvl 2 yrs down the road. today there were some visitors at my tchr's place. and i was trying not to make a fool outta my tchr. cos my tchr went like 'she's very gd.. only 16 can play this and that. works very hard.. etc'. yes. but guess i still screwed. was thinking of taking double degree in future. but i cant. this period of time has proven it. i cant cope with studies and music. piano lesson has become once a month instead of once a week. feel very bad playing with that kinda standard to my tchr every lesson. wonder why she's so nice. i'd just walk away if i had a student like that. even i myself am pretty disgusted with my playing. how? the only thing i seek solace in is the source of my troubles now. what am i supposed to do?
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
8:58 PM
//
k it's saturday today. finally the long awaited wkend. not really long awaited larh. somehow the week just passes quickly amidst all those tonnes of work and hustle and bustle. yea. no odac today. met up wif my gp pple at bishan macs to discuss the route for our night hike. took quite some time.. but finally it's done larh =) then went to watch daredevil at j8 gv.. lol. nicer than chicago larh.. more action packed. k i sound like a sadist who loves violence. ok too bad then. and my bro's back!! haha. surprised i acually miss him.. tho' he's more like an irritant in the past. heh. k he better not read this. wateva. woohoo. feeling so hyped up now. lol.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
6:17 AM
Friday, March 07, 2003//
yeap. updating my blog now. cos shao is commenting there's nothing up there. k. feeling high now... woohoo. euphoric. this rocks. 510 day.. kinda long.. then aimless walking arnd causeway pt...lol. the prospect of upcoming wkend is just so great. haha. so relaxed now.. slacking online not doing work. one more week to the march hols. kinda looking forward to it.. yet dun want it to come cos i dun want it to be over. lol. ironic isn't it. wateva. a bit sleepy now.cough mixture taking effect. arh i badly need to revamp the blog. presentation looks quite bad. maybe not today... some other day perhaps. hopefully the day would come.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
7:24 AM
Sunday, March 02, 2003//
k. finally got a blog again. after losing mine like 2 years ago. kinda stoned now.. dunno wat to post. supposed to be doing work.. but apparently cant get myself going.. so here i am facing the screen again. lol.
If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body...then only left-handed people are in their right minds. -- Anonymous
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
6:26 AM
