Thursday, July 31, 2003//
i failed again. failed to control in klas. and i broke down -sorry klasmates-. and i failed to make it in. ok now i dunno what to do wif myself. din take me in cos i'm not a singaporean. would have taken me in if i were one. cos they dun wanna haf more foreigners than cittizens. wth!?! does music hafta be divided along lines of nationalities? does it even matter whether i'm an indonesian or afghanistan or african? was so hoping to be able to get it.. after all i took me so long to finally realise that's what i want. a level doesnt really matter to me. but now this has to happen. earlier in the yr wanted to leave to do music.. and it happened. fine i'm a loser. but so? cant a loser have her own passion as well? and looking at things now it would haf degenerated to nothingness by the time i finish my a levels.. provided i'm still sane and alive. it hurts. it really does. knowing what you are doing is not what you want.. and what you want is actually getting further away from you. sigh. think of it. you're born.. then you do things for the sake of doing -cos they hafta be done- and then yu get old and die. how meaningful is that?
[begin with the end in mind. but if yu know it's gonna end, why begin in the first place?]
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
3:30 AM
Monday, July 28, 2003//
when yu know you're drifting further and further away from that thing yu love. and yet you're not doing anything about it. just made up my mind. personally i don't know if the choice is made out of passion for it or just another form of escape. whatever it is i know that's what i want now. just hope i won't regret it.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
5:19 AM
//
face it. it's not an ideal world we live in.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
5:03 AM
Thursday, July 24, 2003//
went back to rg today.. and just when they finished band prac. but ok they played for us again =) and they sounded quite gd larh =) and yea yap was showing off the new glock and stuff.. USD 2000 excluding shipment and stuff.. arh. actually the present glock isn't too old larh.. but haiyarh he makes no sense. was hanging arnd wif the section for a while, then went to wisma in an attempt to find a blouse for tmr's performance. and ah that stupid man. freaked me out like shit. went outta the toilet, only to see him standing at the corner of the corridor. then he just came up to me and said 'err excuse me, can yu do me a favor? i am a private (and i heard it as pervert for the first time.. i was so freaked) and i just lost my target. can yu help me look for her?' then i told him i dunno how she looks like. then he pointed to the stairwell (the kind wif the door and stuff) and said he thinks she went that way. asked me to go there then wait for her while he goes half a lvl down.. then when she comes to tap on the stair railings. wth. i was so freaked.. like am i even supposed to behind the door wif him.. when i totally dunno who the hell is he? trying to crap up some excuse but obviously din work... so in the end asked him to go down first and i ran away. hello!!!! if he's some kinda private investigator he wouldnt haf said he's one in the first place larh. and waiting for his target where he would be seen.. does he haf half a pea-brain? wth. then for a moment i totally din know what to do. looked arnd and the whole damn corridor was empty. so just ran back to g2000 where the rest of them were still lookin at clothes. disgusting. anyway then went to kfc to do work wif alison and ginny cos they weren't done yet.. and then xh siew and chiang came along for dinner. heh. ah and stupid alison. got dragged all the way to newton.. haha. and she actually believed that it's faster to take train to khatib then take 969 to tampines. arh. eventful day. but i'd rather do away wif the encounter wif the man
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
8:10 AM
Sunday, July 20, 2003//
'don't worry. no matter how bad things are, they still have to go on'. sounds familiar. that's what i said to gerald last night. but well. now to think of it, the things have to go on. they will go on. but i've got a choice not to go on. but when i think of the people arnd me... it's not easy to just terminate.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
6:31 AM
Friday, July 18, 2003//
a good mood can do wonders. 510 day today, yet it din feel long. maybe it's the victory high. then am still feeling kinda happy now. this zimbabwe guy came and talk to me on icq..so i decided to talk. would have just ignored under normal circumstances. a lil' extract of it:
kassim (10:41 PM) :
ok what do yo mean by zimbabwi on your profile
-terminal error- (10:42 PM) :
i picked it by random
kassim (10:44 PM) :
what do you do in life
-terminal error- (10:44 PM) :
so how's zimbabwe? wish i haf a chance to go there to see
i'm still studying
kassim (10:45 PM) :
zimbabwi is good
kassim (10:45 PM) :
but wich zimbabwi you are talking about
-terminal error- (10:46 PM) :
the one in africa?
kassim (10:46 PM) :
yeah
-terminal error- (10:47 PM) :
ahh yea
i wanna go to south america and africa
beautiful places
kassim (10:47 PM) :
have yo been here before
-terminal error- (10:48 PM) :
nope
but i wanna see mountains and natural landscape
kassim (10:48 PM) :
waw
kassim (10:49 PM) :
where you from
-terminal error- (10:49 PM) :
yea.. =)
-terminal error- (10:49 PM) :
indonesia
kassim (10:49 PM) :
oh sorry you told me that
kassim (10:49 PM) :
do you have a picture
-terminal error- (10:49 PM) :
yeap it's ok
=) so what do you work as now?
-terminal error- (10:49 PM) :
err sorry not at the moment.
dun haf pics in the pc
kassim (10:50 PM) :
where do you have it
-terminal error- (10:50 PM) :
in my album?
kassim (10:50 PM) :
:-)
-terminal error- (10:51 PM) :
=)
kassim (10:52 PM) :
what do you like to chat about
-terminal error- (10:52 PM) :
anything..
what do you do?
kassim (10:53 PM) :
i work in a tissue factory
-terminal error- (10:53 PM) :
ahh i see
is it fun?
kassim (10:53 PM) :
am from lebanon but i leave in zimbabwi
-terminal error- (10:53 PM) :
ahh i see =)
kassim (10:53 PM) :
its ok
-terminal error- (10:53 PM) :
yu married?
kassim (10:54 PM) :
no amm not
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
8:09 AM
Wednesday, July 16, 2003//
yay happy now. slacking away at home =) yeap presentation last nite.. quite fast actually.. the time spent on stage..i cant believe i was once up there and playing. but gr sounded nice. very nice larh. actually when we just finished playing and got off the stage i was still kinda numbed out. heh i was numbed out throughout the whole playing larh. then i was telling myself it's over, then i dunno what to expect. din get to go into the hall cos not enuff tix.. but ah well i'd rather not go in.. so we were just sitting outside talking rot. yea then saw pple =) and the frenzied foto taking =) and after that yes the moment we're waiting for after the nerve-wrecking wait. heh. chialing was sitting next to me again. heh. -how cum we always sit together during announcements of results?- yeap we like went mad after they announced us as top band. sprang outta our seats =) yea. then the hugging spree =) haha. and funny. we shouted -instead of sang- the sch song at esplanade.. everyone was like so happy.. grinning away and stuff =) -alison wei the thing yu gave v gross leh.. notti gals =)- and on the way back to sch the bus was totally crazy =) back in sch.. even more foto takings =) supposed to go nydc.. but too bad the stupid place is closing. so we ended up going to sit arnd at ghim moh. but that's not the pt. still very happy. yea. stayed till arnd 0020 then took a cab wif xh and vincent. and stupid she's getting zonked on the way home. slight drizzle.. a nice weather to go home in =) so happy.. and tired. one and only presentation. and i turned out fine =)
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
6:43 PM
Friday, July 11, 2003//
which is worse: to say something, then wishing that yu hadn't or to say nothing, then wishing that yu had?
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
7:49 AM
Monday, July 07, 2003//
hmm went out wif sec 4 klas to haf lunch at marche today. and the turnout is not bad =) was supposed to go back to rg in the morning wif alison.. but the poor gal was sick.- take care k? must hurry recover =)- yea was on the fone wif her last nite.. was the first time i called her this yr.. yea feel quite bad. my fault for not making the effort to meet up/keep in contact. yea then was talking abt how pple'd change and stuff like that.. and i'm scared that this might happen to us. after going thru 4 yrs of stuff in klas/band.. really want stuff to stay the same. tho they say that change is the only constant. dunno. but k dun worry i'd make an effort to stay in contact k? and i mean it. yea then went to take neoprints wif alison swe and olivia.. haha.. ok larh at least we looked decent. went to watch far frm heaven at ps. arh no action =( not really my kinda movie larh. and saw bert and sher =) lol. quite funny. our supposed og outing.. nvm. went taka.. and finally got smthng.. at least i dun hafta worry abt it next wk. yay. k larh. shall just end here.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
5:13 AM
Saturday, July 05, 2003//
4.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
11:28 PM
Friday, July 04, 2003//
ah okie. common tests end today =) finally. yea been a rather bad wk. kinda glad it's over.. tho i dun wish to know how i did for those ppr. bad. but ah well. cant do anything abt them now. yea had chinese orals. and the stupid conversation topic totally caught be offguard. wth. end up staring at the invigilators. ah. then went to lido to meet up wif some rg band frens.. heh =) yea went to cine.. tried to get into the arcade but got chased off.. too bad we din haf change larh =( and song wee was there.. lol. hmm.. yea so ended up me xh alison and ginny went to long john..and stupid.. the milo freeze wasnt nice =( ok then our usual rot talking and stuff... while we waited for those arcade pple to finish playing. ah then they left. so the 4 of us went.. alison and xh went to play pool..then me and gin got sian so went to ps. stupid rain.. we ran across to ps in the rain.. but rj blouse rocks.. din get too wet =) did our round of inspection in ps.. quite sian.. saw quite a few pple.. then they finally got done wif pool=) then had dinner at secret recipe -cos the other places were crowded and got queue- arh nvm. hungry pple cant be choosers. nothing much larh. then went home. arh slpy now. think i should catch up on lost slp =)
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
8:52 AM
//
9 yrs. been 9 years since i came to sg. haha actually kinda felt like yesterday. still remember how this hse looked 9 yrs ago before the things changed and stuff like that. nostalgic.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
8:28 AM
Thursday, July 03, 2003//
ah i'm like giving up on fmath ppr. i forsee a replay of today tmr. but who cares.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
5:50 AM
//
emotion -- [noun] a strong feeling.
why must we have emotions? why do we have thoughts? sometime's i'd rather have no ability to think/feel. to be inanimate
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
5:29 AM
Wednesday, July 02, 2003//
laugh and the world laughs with yu. weep and yu weep alone. i cant agree more.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
4:45 AM
