Sunday, August 31, 2003//
think i was just bored. but haha xh alison ginny: doesn't this word sound familiar?
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
7:37 AM
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What swear word are you?
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--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
7:36 AM
Saturday, August 30, 2003//
hands feel weak after 4 hrs of piano. but it feels good. i love this feeling. to play till yu know yu've reached your limit. at least the max yu can go at one shot. chopin's fantasy impromptu playing on the pc now. cos kenny wanted it then i dnlded it.. and was thinking, when would i ever be half or even a quarter as good as the recording? and anyway the recording isnt the best that i've heard. ok that aside. came home frm band prac today and started practising. just feels good to know that there's plenty of time.. cos sometimes on weekdays even if i manage to squeeze one or two hours i would still feel pressed.. so much to do yet so little time. but this long wkend. i can afford not to think of anything. just practise =) ah. then sometimes when i'm out bumming arnd and the sudden urge to play comes.. or the thought of myself being ought to be practising instead of just playing arnd comes. and it gets very uncomfortable. ah. this is bad. doing work/ in school or just walking arnd outside. then there's this sudden desire to be back home on my piano. and every second spent outside is agony. sigh. how i wish my life can just revolve arnd my piano. schimmel.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
6:54 AM
Friday, August 29, 2003//
woohoo.. just back from a satisfying run with my bro =) been long since i had a decent run. can feel my stamina going down.. but ah well it's time to get it back. anyway tchrs' day celebrations today. the morning walk was lame. there was nothing interesting along the way.. except the amusing company of the 1c people -hey yu guys rock =)- yea then went back to sch and the frenzy giving out of cards to our tchrs... haha. nice people. then the concert.. lol. then met up wif alison/ginny after sch. seoul garden. ahh.. dunno why i became the target of the usual bullying today.. ahh.. stupid alison.. quite funny larh. then we were just sianing arnd at lido and stuff.. until we decided to finally land ourselves outside the orchard popular.. then saw my beloved presidential comrade.. lol. and we did interesting things too.. haha. laffing our heads off. me alison xh ginny.. lol. then there was this guy who was a total stranger asking what we were doing there.. why we aren't home after sch. nutcase. nvm. ahh v hot. shall go bathe or smthng now.. shit i'm still sweating like a mad cow =(
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
5:55 AM
Wednesday, August 27, 2003//
today 4 yrs ago. investiture 1999. still cant believe it. 4 yrs have passed like that.. from those recruit band days to the main band days, and then finally top batch. and now outta the band and looking back. band pracs, ftdrills, batch outings/items/scoldings, concerts the tears and the joy.. from being juniors so ignorant and stuff.. with the fear of entering the band room, till being seniors when the band room is our home, our haven, our hideout for ponning klas. guess i'm glad i joined band after all, although i joined late -like what i did this yr?- rgssb is one of the best things that could have happened to me. the friendships built.. plus my crazy section and section batchmates. the snr-jnr relationship is probably one that only the rgssb pple can understand, but it's really something special. the music. playing with batchmates/ the band and getting the goosepimples. somehow i cant really write out what i feel right now. a complex mixture of nostalgy, love, happiness and sadness. been in 5 ccas before i finally landed in band in sec1. but now i really cant imagine things had i not joined band. really. just 4 yrs. but these 4 yrs worth of memories i share together with my batchmates would be with us forever. although we may be separated, i'm still proud to have once been a part of such a special thing. rgssb. to all my dearest batchmates reading this: i love yu all. thanks for making these 4 yrs so wonderful for me.
[friendliness.humility.responsibility]
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
5:55 AM
Thursday, August 21, 2003//
trapped between hope and dismay
i find this world a complete disarray
certain complexities i'd never fathom
their problems lurking, invisible phantom
intentional or not things just happen
some feelings i'd like to dampen
while people care for their tomorrows
i share with my piano, my sorrows
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
6:28 AM
Friday, August 15, 2003//
ok maybe i should have gone to sleep earlier. staying awake, thoughts running in my head. it's this indescribable feeling again. it's like you don't have control over your own life. everything's done out of obligation. because others want you to do it. sigh. or at least sometimes when things are not said outright and everything, you know you are supposed to do it. it's some kind of unspoken expectation. was just thinking.. such complexities and emotional entanglement probably occurs only in humans. dolphins. they are social animals too. but do you see them so tied down with obligations or anything? sucks. why are we given the ability to think? maybe the ability to think and feel is not really a gift after all.
~just wanna lose all thoughts and emotions
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
7:47 AM
//
hmm been playing with my archive but still don't know how to get it back =(
today's a mad day.. so many lessons and stuff my head was like overloaded and just switched off. and stupid gupta ponned pe today.. haha -wha'ts new?- ah been a bit unhappening these days. and oh ya. yesterday was quite an interesting day. was arnd 8++ came back frm physics remedial. then this guy on the bike was trying to get into the condo.. then dunno why i just felt like being nice so i opened the gate for him. then he started chatting to me.. -ugh- ok when he finally decided to get away, this security guard shouted to me. 'eh why so late today?' actually i'm quite amused.. cos the past few times we met it was just friendly exchanges or nods of acquaintance.. lol. and so i had entertainment for another portion of my journey towards home. k fine i'm nuts.. but somehow it feels good to just talk to strangers or people you don't know so well. although the things we talk are just general stuff, everyday crap etc, it just helps to lighten the mood and take my mind off.. before i start thinking abt things esp when i'm alone.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
6:38 AM
Wednesday, August 13, 2003//
the complexity of relationships. sigh. she prob thinks i don't feel anything. the fact is that i do. but again i'm not the kind that confronts things esp when it comes to people-people relationship. i feel tension, but i don't know why. maybe i'm oversensitive. or maybe i shouldn't care. to hell with all these stuff. shall focus on my piano. the only thing that won't turn away from me
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
3:38 AM
//
ah just home. and it's pouring. the lil' umbrella i had was obviously of no use at all. forget it. no band today, so was just discussing inter-react stuff after school. quite happy it was constructive =) then was talking to adams on the fone. nafa can take me. but he still advised me to take my As first. k the world seems to be asking me to do that. but the thing is that it makes sense. sigh. this world is just so illogical. ok shant dwell on it. but it's just hard, having to shut the door yu've tried so hard to open. ok shall go practise now. arh
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
2:02 AM
Saturday, August 09, 2003//
okie guess this blog is more or less done.. except for the lil' screw up in the layout.. shall get my bro to help later. ah. moral of the story: never attempt to change anything unless yu've saved the necessary stuff.. and are sure yu can use it back. all thanks to my itchy fingers i ended up spending like 97698652635 hours trying to get the blog again. and now i have no idea where my archive is. grrr.. but alright. i shall be satisfied with what i have now. actually kinda like it this way.. at least it's got a new look. =)
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
11:27 PM
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ah shit disaster.. where's my tagboard? arh what happened to my blog?
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
6:59 AM
//
ah ok guess i shall post something more normal sounding to cover up for the previous blogs. before people start thinking that i've really gone crazy. been feeling quite lost for some time, but guess i've gotten over it. esp since i realised there are people around me undergoing even more pain. sometimes looking at them i kinda think who am i to feel down and depressed, when the problems i face are minor, probably aggravated by my own emotions. then i got me caught up with the imperfections of this world, and i ended up oblivious to what's going on to the people around me. ok i should get a grip over myeslf. be more rational.
anyway it's national day today. didn't realise libraries are not open today. how stupid.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
4:07 AM
Monday, August 04, 2003//
dunno what i was feeling. so just went to run after pe today. when yu feel that the world is crumbling upon yu.. and people just seem far away.. it's comforting to know there's actually somebody trying her best to help yu. guess i'm really grateful to her.. this indo gal. even tho i barely know her.. only watched her perform twice and went on a holiday to lake toba last yr wif her. dad's fren's daughter.. but i dunno her personally. really.. she sorta inspired me wif her playing. then restored faith in me when i was feeling kinda hopeless these days. sigh nvm. then i just realised even tho can talk quite well wif my bro, there are still certain things i cant talk about. same goes to frens larh. guess there's no one yu can be totally open wif. some things are just hard to say. forget it.
[ask for naught and yu shall never be disappointed]
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
7:13 AM
