Monday, August 30, 2004//
it's the 15th on the lunar calendar. full moon. i don't know why i've been appreciating every single full moon since last year. actually i wonder what about the full moon captivates me. it's not as if a round bright thing is a spectacular sight in the night sky. i mean, if yu're talking abt beauty in the shape of a moon, i would think that a crescent looks more interesting than the full moon.
so what? do i appreciate the full moon just cos it happens once a month? cos it's a rare occurence, therefore it's something special? if that's the case, what about the crescent? the exact crescent only appears once a month. not any more frequent than the full moon. and moreover, although a full moon occurs only once a month, you know for sure that there's gonna be another full moon the next month. since it's something that's constantly happening, there's no element of surprise. you expect it. yet why the hell am i so obsessed with it? nevermind. been bugging myself with this question ever since i got of the train at khatib and saw that thing in the sky. no stars. a lonely moon. what crap i've gone crazy.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
6:59 AM
Tuesday, August 10, 2004//
seoul garden.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
4:50 AM
Monday, August 09, 2004//
"The only reason that forever friends don't exist is because forever doesn't exist"
how true is that
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
4:56 PM
//
hmm don't know why i'm getting edgy these days. maybe it's just work. yep. guess this stupid thing called prelims/a levels is driving everyone crazy larh. just to different extents. kinda don't know what i'm living for now. no life. it's either work or the piano. and even the piano.. is adding pressure. sigh. this long nat day wkend. even when i'm taking a break slacking away, there's still this nagging feeling that i ought to be doing work. actually amidst all these business and screwed up feelings.. have asked myself many times why the hell i'm living on this earth.
yep. frankly speaking i don't know. i mean.. for everyone.. death will come ultimately. some will say that even though that happens it's what happens in your life that matters. argh. currently feel so directionless. it's as if yu're just gonna live through your life till it finally comes to an end. they say life is a mixture or rain and sunshine. and somehow i cherish those rain as much as the sunshine if not more. it's like memories and more memories. there's only a past to look back on.. to reminisce. the future. is unpredictable. it's as if i'm just waiting for things to happen upon me so they'll become memories. i don't know. some say yu have control over your own life. but exactly how much control do yu have? let's say a flower pot decides to fall on me when i happen to be walking beneath a block of flats, can i avoid it? this is not final destination. i don't have premonitions.
yes. think i hate sch now. and think many others do so too. but somehow i think.. after i get outta jc, i'm gonna miss all these crap. yep. the happy times. even unhappy ones as well. i dont know why. it's always like that. when yu're safe at home yu always wish you're out there having an adventure. but when yu're experiencing the adventure yourself yu wish yu're safely back at home again. the human being is never contented with his current situation.
sigh think i digressed a lot. nvm. just random thoughts i feel like penning down. typing down rather. that's what happens when yu've got too much time to yourself. too much idling time. ah batt dying. think i shall post before the laptop hibernates.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
7:03 AM
Thursday, August 05, 2004//
actually kinda in the blogging mood now. realise i havent exactly blogged much these days. just some useless rambles. been thinking quite a bit lately.
friendships. can one really believe in eternal friendships etc? the great things that they say. that distance doesn't matter and all those. i don't know. it just doesnt seem that way. the longer you have parted, the longer you haven't kept in contact, the harder and more awkward it is for you to start regaining contact with the person again. even if that happens, things would just be superficial. those cliche questions like 'oh how have yu been doin?' or 'how's your day?'. is reminiscing the only thing you can do with an old friend? i don't know. it's as if the past is the only thing you have in common with the other party. perhaps if there's some kinda common interest that would be another topic of conversation. if not, a dialogue would probably result in multiple monologues following one another. that doesn't mean that yu'll naturally be close to those yu see everyday either. i mean, there are those you see everyday, yet you can't say that you know them well, and neither can they. friendships maintained online. sigh. with the digital frontier, it's just different. it doesn't seem real.
maybe that's why i have a brother.
ya but that little idiot was the one who instigated me to pon sch today. and he abandoned me when his friends called to ask him out.
solitude. don't exactly know if i welcome it. guess it depends. human beings are social animals. i don't know. somehow when yu're somewhere yu know yu don't really fit yu'd rather yu're alone. sometimes it's just funny. the human pride. yu know yu don't wanna be alone. but yet yu refuse to take the initiative to start talking to people first. yu want them to start it. maybe that's why sometimes people say something when they mean another. and that's how i make myself miserable too.
maybe i should get rid of all emotions. and focus on inanimate stuff. those are the things yu know will be there for yu unconditionally. i mean, when i'm in a lousy mood, i bang on my piano. it doesn't show signs of protest whatsoever. it still works nicely if i wanna practise later in the day (i'm not powerful enough so as to bang and break the keys/strings etc). try doing that to a person and you can bet that he/she would be gone in a matter of time. sigh.
shall get off the laptop before i continue rambling. i can continue for ages. but think i should stop for now.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
11:39 PM
//
these few days made me realise a few things:
1. my brother can be quite decent at times.
2. the piano is a damn good companion.
and some other stuff. long hols. don't know what to do. sigh
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
11:02 PM
