Thursday, January 20, 2005//
How many dal segnos/da capos do you find in a piece of music? It's like a concert recital. You played a passage through, had a few slips here and there, and you're unsatisfied with what you played. How often do you see a sign in the music, an indication for you to go back to the beginning , a second chance for you to play it the way you want to, so that this time round you'd be satisfied with what you played? Repeat signs may be a more common sight. But even so most people just go straight through without repeating in a recital. Some may repeat the section as an encore.. to clear off the unhappy feeling, but many just walk off the stage, disappointed. Another time at another recital, perhaps. For that played during the recital at that moment, it would probably be an attacca - going straight on, indicating an immediate move to the next section of the music.
Sadly, life is not much of a rondo.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
2:15 AM
Tuesday, January 18, 2005//
"If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would be the very final piece that you would play before taking your hands from the keys, closing the lid, and walking away forever?"
Quite a sad post on the piano forum. obviously if i know i'm gonna die tomorrow, there'd be so many pieces i wanna play. pieces representative of every era that brings back memories of all the times i've spent on my piano. happy ones. unhappy ones. regrets. from all the replies, those pieces mentioned were sad pieces. My way. Chopin's raindrop prelude. Beethoven sonata - Waldstein/Appassionata. Chopin's nocturnes and Ballades. Debussy's Suite Bergamasque. Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsodies. I dunno. There are just so many pieces out there that I know even if i were given 10 yrs or so, I'd still die with regrets. Not having mastered this and not having perfected that.
Was rather upset 2 days ago. and just played through whatever pieces within my reach. Beethoven's Pathetique. memories that come attached with that. can cry listening to the 2nd movement. but it was through continuous playin, reminiscing, feeling the piece i play that got me away from what i was initially feeling. i don't know. it's just the feeling it gives me. always there. even when i'm feeling shit. even if i get frustrated practising and banging it. no matter what i do, it's still there. that's something an inanimate object gives yu, that yu won't be able to obtain from humans. even the best friendships and strongest relationships can break. but this will never. unless i choose to.
Right now the piece would probably be Chopin etude op.10 no. 3. nice slow and warm feeling, nostalgic. i'd probably be crying it and playing at the same time by then. such an emotional piece..with a heart-rending bravura section.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
5:26 PM
Monday, January 17, 2005//
k guess it just ended. tho i've had this feeling since quite long ago. but now gd i've finally given yu the excuse to put the blame on me. so it's my fault now. yay.
friendship (frend'ship), n, 1. the condition of being friends
2. a liking between friends
3. friendly feeling or behavior
based on this definition, guess it's over long ago. call me oversensitive or what. but yes that's the feeling yu've given me since last yr. now yu can officially call me the idiot who left yu all after dinner that night. but think abt it have yu even made me feel welcome when i reached? treated me as if i was non-existent carrying on with the conversation amongst yourself and expect me to sit there and go on for the next few hours in agony myself? and even before that -yu may call me an oversensitive brat- the tone from msgs and all those. ever since xmas last yr. sent yu a card. it's not like i'm being petty or anyth but the thing is yu din even bother replying the slightest bit. not even a stupid sms/msg on msn or anyth. yu call that friends for 6 yrs? yu think i cant sense hostility over an sms? and yu say i'm controlled and have no control over my life. so do yu think yu have control over my private life then? just because yu don't like what i'm doing yu think yu have the right to be discontented with me.
i've had enough of this. sick of all these expectations and obligations. what's the point when yu don't care at all? yu claim that i'm the one who doesn't care, but yu might wanna give it some more thought. think of the attitude yu've been showing me. i've been turning to more distant friends these days. maybe close friends were never that close in the first place. but yes it's them who'll accept what i do. show me some basic respect as a human being. i've given up on things like 'eternal friends' and such. i'm so sorry but i think the word forever has ceased to exist in my vocabulary.
and now i'm thankful of all the inanimate stuff around me. my piano. my music. those are the things that won't turn against me. no matter what i do. i know they're always there when i want them. yes i'm sorry but this has made me very cynical about friendships.
i've tried to keep the tone of this post as mild as possible. but if yu still think that this is too harsh then my apologies.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
2:58 AM
Tuesday, January 04, 2005//
k i'm just pissed off now. woke and saw your msg. and cant fall aslp after that. yes. after so much trouble trying to fix a date with yu, yu come and ask whether i can have lessons frm 11-1120. k what the hell. you don't even give me a definite time and expect me to wait over the stretch of 20 mins.. and the thing is i doubt yu'll come within that interval. yes. and i've said my weekends are tight i have my private life pls. my life does not revolve round just teaching yu -i'd die that way pls- and yes. 20 bucks an hr for tuition. yu asked if tuition this fri is 15. and it's not as if it's your first time. unless yu want only 45 mins. which i doubt yu can accomplish anything much since yu don't do your work anw. yes. so please know your limit as a student.
1. a teacher never fits into the student's schedule. it's the other way round. your teacher may be free cos she has no school but not THAT free as to keep on changing her schedule as you wish.
2. the most basic thing abt tuition is to help yu where yu are in need. the thing is yu're not helping yourself so what's the point.
3. you're taking music as an o level subject now if yu don't buck up and get your ass to practising yu're not gonna get anywhere. kindly practise more.. and know your scales for goodness' sake. if you don't even know the key signature for f major.. good luck to you. and happy new yr too. 4.
4. please get this clear. having passed your grade 4 practical doesnt mean you're automatically of grade 5 standard. standards DO drop if you don't practise. i may have my 8 now but if i don't practise watsoever yu can bet i cant even play grade 6 stuff in a few months
5. know wat is quality practise. playing through a piece and making the mistake over and over again without the intention of correcting it is NOT practising. you can go on and on for 2 hours and it's just moving your fingers and your brain does nth and you achieve nothing.
please reflect on yourself as a student. it is the new yr. you oughta have done some reflection last yr. and if yu cant get serius abt your sch work/music. i don't see the point of yu taking any of them. now quit getting on my nerves
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
3:18 PM
