Monday, March 27, 2006//
thoughtful..
was running with my bro last night, and he said i've improved.
a lot has to do with the mind i realise.. once your mental state doesn't hold anymore, chances are yu're likely to give way physically too.
coincidentally that was also mentioned in the teaching seminar i was at today.
the mental stamina required for long pieces...
had lunch at the hotel with this gal i just met.. both of us were just like lost loner sheep looking for places to plonk ourselves at till we found each other. ah well.. nice to have company.. this ntu yr 3 ee student haha. and she said i look young when i told her i'm a yr 1. heh. not the first time this happened.
and another interesting observation.. think more than 95% of the population there were females. wonder what happened to the male teachers heh.. and so we conveniently utilised the gents as well.. till this guy came in and looked very confused.
as for the seminar itself.. guessed i've learnt stuff, but i think it's more useful for me as a student than as a teacher. maybe that's 'cos i still see myself very much as a student at this moment. but the things mentioned seem like the stuff i'd expect out of myself and not my students, for they require too much discipline for people who don't love music enough to wanna be bothered. either that or they have yet to reach that level of maturity both in playing and thinking. so much to think about now.. the subtlety of the music, how by varying the dynamics in a certain way different effects can be achieved. i've heard the most musical c major scale today.
have i mentioned that i like it when end of phrases are done with care? feminine endings? gosh. i just like the way he could control his notes.. volume wise.
people always talk about how musicality is more important than technique and all those. but i think you can't be that musical without techniques. sometimes you can hear the sound you want in the head. you know how you want the note to sound.. that's you being musical. but if you don't have the technique to produce the tone, to have control over the notes, then i guess that can't be achieved too. don't know why, this thought's been with me since the start of the day. when i first heard him play at p dynamic markings.. that's a new insight..
'the irony in things is that the parts which we take very long to learn are those which we don't want others to hear' - referring to running notes or fiendishly diffcult notes in the accompaniment of a lyrical melody line.
ah well.. i feel like practising again
'the role of a teacher is to make him/herself obsolete'. how true.. don't know if i can ever do that.. ah well
it's so much easier to be responsible for your own playing than for other people's playing
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
2:28 AM
Saturday, March 25, 2006//
I ache for the touch of your lips, Dear,
But much more for the touch of your whips, Dear.
You can raise welts
Like nobody else,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.
Let our love be a flame, not an ember,
Say it's me that you want to dismember.
Blacken my eye,
Set fire to my tie,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.
At your command
Before you here I stand,
My heart is in my hand. Ecch!
It's here that I must be.
My heart entreats,
Just hear those savage beats,
And go put on your cleats
And come and trample me.
Your heart is hard as stone or mahogany,
That's why I'm in such exquisite agony.
My soul is on fire,
It's aflame with desire,
Which is why I perspire
When we tango.
You caught my nose
In your left castanet, Love,
I can feel the pain yet, Love,
Ev'ry time I hear drums.
And I envy the rose
That you held in your teeth, Love,
With the thorns underneath, Love,
Sticking into your gums.
Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches.
The last time I needed twenty stitches
To sew up the gash
That you made with your lash,
As we danced to the Masochism Tango.
Bash in my brain,
And make me scream with pain,
Then kick me once again,
And say we'll never part.
I know too wellI'm underneath your spell,
So, Darling, if you smell
Something burning, it's my heart.
Excuse me!
Take your cigarette from its holder,
And burn your initials in my shoulder.
Fracture my spine,
And swear that you're mine,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
4:55 PM
//
the sound of the trombone still lingers in my head..
ha felt weird to be playing in a band and yet not be behind the percs.. but ah well..
over at least.. i conclude 2 concerts in 2 wks isn't exactly gd for health..
and that sightreading on stage is darn stressful lol.
but ah well.. peace for now.. mm cadenza10?
lessons today.. draining!
and lol he said i'm like chara...
"so chara do yu wanna take part in the competition?"
"no.."
and after some coaxing.. yes she agreed..
then during lesson it's my turn..
"so christine have yu decided if yu wanna enter the competition?"
"err.. i dunno.. dunno if i've got time to polish everyth up by then"
"you sound like chara now"
"so it's my turn to be asked eh? haha "
yep.. but still super amazed.. at her patience today. or for the past 3 wks for that matter. repeating the same bar over and over again without complaining.. wow. and usually when i ask her to do theory homework she'd say she dun wanna do and only wanna do it during class.. this time she actually said she might not have time but would try doing it.. wow. impressed.
watched v for vendetta just now.. heh that guy still asked for my identification!
do i look like i'm not even 16? haha
the same white cat at the playground.. very friendly one..
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
8:04 AM
Thursday, March 23, 2006//
i realised i cant stand inefficiency.. and time wasting..
that's why i hate being kept waiting..
ah well.
sigh.
friendliness humility responsibility
i miss rgssb
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
8:09 AM
Wednesday, March 22, 2006//
utterly disgusted at my current state of absent-mindedness..
someone knock some sense into me pls
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
7:06 AM
//
wow. i realised. the time now is 22:22 and it's the 22nd today.
and 3 is the magic number for the day..
i've only msged 3 diff pple on my fone..
practised 3 pieces on my piano (stupid syncopations driving me nuts.. and yesh that piece was in 3s).
3 times circuit in the gym.. topped up with 3 rounds around my condo.
touched on 3 diff tuts today.. cn math and econs..
ah well.
yep.. physical pain is good.. starting to ache.. quads and hamstrings alr aching frm yesterday =)
think running/working out really do take stuff off your mind =p even if it's just frustrations..
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
6:22 AM
Tuesday, March 21, 2006//
obsessed with counting..
5 laps around my condo. i counted the number of strides i took for the last lap... 1200.
maybe cos i only counted during the last lap.. i's tired so my strides got smaller.. and therefore i's overcounting. 3 yrs ago when i did pacing for 100 m it was arnd 74 steps..
so doing a rough calculation.. that's abt 8k? heh slightly less if yu factor in the inaccuracies. darn i sound like i'm doin a report here.
anw that aside. yep running is a v gd way to get rid of mental irritation. ha trading mental irritation for physical pain.. not a bad deal.
mm in need of peace now.. been bombarded with sounds the whole day.. argh. but ok fine the run was good. traffic and cricket were the only things i heard. man.. silence is precious..
i wish the world would be a quieter place..
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
4:04 AM
Saturday, March 18, 2006//
18 march 06
bleagh amir beat me to that post. but that's not fair cos i was out the whole day.
All around the mulberry bush,
the monkey chased the weasel,
The dog, he thought 'twas all in fun.
Pop! goes the weasel.
been 2 yrs and everyth's still clear in my mind. always sth for us to reminisce abt eh? hotel mercure.. rolling on the toilet floor.. the production crew and not forgetting our star of the night mona chew-on-it live from paris. and i wonder when we'll get to experience all that again.
alright enough of stuff that happened in 2004. must say that's a happening yr tho..
had a gd day teaching.. wonder if touch06 had any effect on chara but i must say she's been super obedient these 2 wks after my concert. no more whining no more refusing to play and no more bargaining with me. i'm pleasantly surprised. here's an interesting conversation we had during lesson..
chara: "how old are you?"
me: "how old do yu think i am?"
chara: "i think yu look slightly older than my cousin."
me: "and so how old is your cousin?"
me: "i don't know, but i think she's about 12 this yr."
ha lol i don't know i look 8 yrs down my age =p
yep but man i can't help feeling attracted to chara (mm not in that sense heh i'm no les and i'm not a paedo either). but it's her character. so open, so innocent. man i don't know how to describe. can you only find that in children? no saying things 'cos they feel obliged to, no hidden meanings, no insinuations. they don't bother keeping a front if they're not happy, they just show it. yet everything is so simple.
still so much to learn. and one thing i've learnt so far is that encouragement really works wonders. being more generous with praises is one. that doesn't mean lying to people or anything. if you find it hard to praise the playing itself, you can always commend the effort or progress. especially for little kids. no one likes to get constantly picked on do they?
sometimes it's just impractical to impose your own expectations upon others. for everyone has different priorities and stuff like that. and that not everyone learns at the same rate. whatever it is, i guess this has built my patience. good for me.
more random thoughts. maybe not a good idea to let my mind wander too far. would have trouble looking for it.
pattern recognition. i've seen it. yet i don't know how to put it across. i'm not exactly a person who takes the initiative, but i will retaliate if i feel comforatble enough with it.
the full moon's getting not as full anymore.
and oh btw i came to realise it's v nice to drive at like 130 am.. traffic's just damn light.. and yep it did take stuff off my mind.
this very strong sense of deja vu, and i really hope the same thing wouldn't happen again. i really do hope so.
enough of thinking. back to reality. crap cn1111 test on monday. gotta chop chop study for it. heh.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
5:20 PM
Thursday, March 16, 2006//
look forward and not back..
17th march.. today.. and i still remember paris 2 yrs ago.
but still.. it's time to move on..
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
2:29 PM
Wednesday, March 15, 2006//
much as it sucks to lose your lab report and have to redo it cos the laptop crashed and the file couldn't be retrieved, it is comforting to know that yu have nice pple arnd.
i've a complete lab report sent to me for reference, which helped a lot indeed.
sent my laptop in for data retrieval a few days ago. i know the repairman was trying hard.. what with me calling every hour or so to ask if he could retrieve my lab report. yep. and today i went to collect my laptop.
he didn't collect a single cent for me.. and his reason being not able to retrieve the file that was most important to me at the moment. and he said he took it as he's helping someone out. i'm amazed. after so much time spent on it.. not even a service charge. and so he burnt the retrieved pics and word docs for me into a cd.. and i managed to save whatever salvaged mp3s into wx's ipod. and i'm still thankful. very thankful in fact. tho i probably still lost a lot of stuff along the way.
nice chap. but let's hope i won't have to visit him anymore.. not with my laptop at least.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
6:49 AM
Sunday, March 12, 2006//
it's so easy to speak without thinking isn't it? to disregard the feelings of others?
the only reason for my lack of action is cos i dun wanna get into any fights. unfortunately sometimes that doesnt happen.
patience. restraint. no point yu practising it if the other party doesn't?
ah well. heck. so much for caring when yu cant even consider the emotional needs of your friend.
ha lol for the sake of sanity i give up. i've had enough.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
12:36 AM
Saturday, March 11, 2006//
much as i adore kids, i don't exactly fancy childish behaviour.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
8:08 PM
//
today.
2 yrs ago.. ireland!
mm lessons today..
long one.. tiring.
but ha i conclude chara takes after me =p
before lessons she asked if my piece last night was 30+ pages.. and i asked her how she knew.
she counted the number of times my hui'en turned my pages last night.. and multiplied by 2. wow
din know she's obessed with counting =p
and yep she counted the numbers i turned pages on stage too.
i'm amused =p like teacher like student =)
commissioning parade was an eye opener hee. made it there in time thanks to the cab.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
7:23 AM
Friday, March 10, 2006//
10 march 06
ah well. the morning felt like it was really long ago.
met kc at admiralty and cabbed down to sch.. practised. then lunched and decided to skip cs tut. and oh thanks swe and ali dear for the lovely roses =p such sweeties =p
gem test.. haha.. as usual some things never do change. but ah well. was alright i guess.. tho at the last part i wasnt exactly feelin too great haha.
back to ucc.. listened to music.. stoned a while.. solitude being my company. not a bad idea actually. back to practising again. and then dinner.
mm haha air piano was fun. reminds me of having perc sectionals without the instru.. lol.
ha lol and then it's the wait for concert. bored.. did all sorts of funny things..
no poker cards, so just had to make do of whatever cards we have in our wallets.. building some stuff outta the cards lol.. engineers =)
ha lol. wait.. for once.. waiting for concert != playing bridge. a more peaceful wait without the hustle and bustle.
it went fine i guess.. haha.. was actually comfortable during that piece.. 16 mins.. haha. but for once it din feel long. =) relieved at the end.. nth majorly destructive happened =p
yep.. and then it's the post-concert frenzied phototaking.. fun fun. and yep thanks my dear gals for coming down hee.. and nana my dear harby =p haha and not forgetting b = d of cos haha =p
jac dear n gab : thanks for the flowers! =p sweet of you both even tho both of yu couldn't make it.. =p.
yep. a nice concert indeed. =p tired now tho.. think i shall turn in now.. =p my bed beckons
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
8:28 AM
Thursday, March 09, 2006//
missed the date. wanted to post yeterday but figured i got home too late.
090306
the first 3 non-negative multiples of 3.. =p
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
3:21 PM
Wednesday, March 08, 2006//
back frm a walk.. and then a spin. rare that my bro asks me out hee =p
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
4:21 AM
//
generally a day which went well.. =p ah well apart from certain incidences.. haha.
and yep was glad hongjuan was around.. if not.. lala wouldn't wanna think abt it hee.
prac was alright i guess =p finally.
met up with amir after that. mm was that the first time both of us met up since we knew each other in 3 yrs? count all those times we went home together and the outings la. but ah well it's nice. yep thanks for the oreo cheesecake and the frappe (eh yea but yu gotta pay for my slimming fees as well).
it's the first time i went to marriotts hotel today! for the toilet =p
reminds me of how i went to fullerton for the toilet too.. mm haha. and koi.. bloob bloob..
ah well. enough slacking.. more work tonight.. how i wish every day'd be like this..
relaxed...
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
2:51 AM
Sunday, March 05, 2006//
weird feeling.. a cross between euphoria and being thoughtful. mm how do yu describe that?
practised in the afternoon.. and then it's off to my ex-tchr's place.
it's a wonder.. the last time i met her was last march. and how the feeling hasn't changed. i mean.. if i were to go back to the piano.. i can still imagine her teaching me. yep nice lady.. appreciate her for the 8 yrs i was under her.. i can't recall any incidences when she actually got angry at me for not practising and stuff. nice time catching up indeed.
one single visit.. yet so many memories. not just of her and my lessons. but also of how i used to go out after my lessons.. 162..
mm bleagh wish i have more time.. there's so much i wanna think abt..
and so many pple i wanna meet up with. lol been socializing a bit too much these days.. but ah heck. it's nice meeting up =p
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
4:36 AM
Friday, March 03, 2006//
havent had more than 5 hrs of slp every night ever since the wk started.
sick of playing defensive
guess there are 2 ways yu can feel disappointed with someone: when the person doesn't do sth yu'd expect him/her to do;
when (s)he does sth yu'd not expect him/her to do.
and it is way easier to overcome the former. for that all yu have to do is ask for less..
common sensical? ah well rationalising my thoughts so that if i shld lose my mind one day, i'd know that i've once been able to think.
yep learnt damn a lot. that everyone is different is one thing. and that yu shldn't impose your thougths or what yu think is right on others. being straightforward is one thing, but done without care it is potentially hurtful. and therefore i'd appreciate it when pple actually put some thought into the words they use.. cos i don't believe hurting my friends with words. i find it contradicting to hurt with words, and actions speak otherwise.
food for thought.
my foot may be small, but do try walking in my shoes.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
4:02 PM
//
yep end of the wk..
met jialing for lunch.. she came down to nus! ha so darn sweet =p yep time to catch up.. finally. yep so if yu happen to be reading this.. thanks for coming and your stuff too k? so sweet!
yep. and there's lessons (nth much actually).. and then the run-thru. heh too think ali's arnd too!
lol haven't seen her since wks ago lala.
yep. not exactly feeling negative or anyth.. but just been thinking.
mm.. emotional attachment.. dependency..
guess i used to be like that. too much for my own good..
expecting too much, too easily hurt.
but ah well i guess maybe it'd help if we don't hold on too much.
pple come pple go, tho yu can argue yu shld fight to remain close to pple, i'd like to think of it as a mutual thing. cos i believe feelings (even in friendships) can't be forced. the more you demand, the worse it's gonna get, the more awkward it is.
yep years ago i'd probably have felt lost not having a particularly close friend to lean on.. but i guess for now, it contends me to know that there are people around who care. and that is enough.
lol. yep guess i'm more easily contented now. simple gestures are enough to make me happy.
it's not to say that i don't care about my friends.. it's just depending less on them emotionally. then expectations would not be high, less probability of being disappointed. and yu'd be more appreciative as well.
yep. or maybe that's just a protective mechanism i adopt now.. in a way. yep.
and that different people see things/value things differently.. that there's no fixed way or the 'right' way to be.. so just accept people for who they are.
i've no idea what's made me changed my attitude, but i guess life'd be simpler this way =p
and to my dear friend, i hope yu'd see things through soon =p
(man i feel introspective now)
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
6:31 AM
Wednesday, March 01, 2006//
yep in a happier mood now.. time for a lighter post i guess.
a lot has been happening. but ah well.. nah shall not think of those.
been thinking the whole of today. happy thoughts.
yep cliche as it may sound, but when yu're feeling happy, everything seems to be going right for yu.
so many thoughts.. let me try to collect them since im taking a breather from work.
it happened with chara's mom's msg this morning. yep.. a really sweet lady. it's during moments like these which makes the exasperation during lessons worthwhile. to know that in the end, you are still appreciated for what you have done. yep. guess that happens when yu love what you're doing.. or that gal rather haha. no matter how much she pisses you off.. you know eventually the irritation doesn't long.. (i didn't expect myself to feel this way the time i sat in her last lesson with her previous tchr last yr)
so much i've learnt from just a few correspondences over the sms with her mom. really stuff to ponder haha.. child mentality.. ah well. =p looking forward to teaching her again this sat.
yep a general feeling of well-being actually. yep thankful for those around me.. little gestures from people.. it's really a pleasant thing if yu're not expecting it. learnt better than to expect ever since last yr.. with expectations come disappointment.
guess when yu expect less, yu appreciate more, and yu'd be happier as a person.
--The calm ocean of the stormy sea--
5:37 AM
